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Subject: Lost
Date: Sunday, May 28, 2006
Name: Zonirik
Message: Hello All,

In the past I have helped a lot you on this site and I'm hoping you guys can give me some insight. I'm at a huge crossroads. I'm going through a separation process. It started 4 months ago when I was on vacation visiting home after being away for 2 years. I have been in France since 2001. We met in the States and eventually married in 2004.

When I was visiting California for the holidays my wife informed me she wanted to tell me something important so I cut my vacation short to come back to Paris, France. She informed me she did not love me anymore and wanted to separate from me.

I was crushed and I ended up returning to the US to heal my broken wings. It hasn't been easy. I have found re-patronizing myself has been not an easy task. I had to start over from scratch. Since then I have been on my relative's couch hoping my wife will recon ciliate. It took me awhile to adjust to the US and I really came to the fact I feel out of place here. Unfortunately I am not close to my family. I dont feel at home here and feel lost. I miss France, the culture, people, the language, food, the buildings, and the daily global education I was receiving.

On the other hand I do not know too many people in France. I dont have family there and very little friends. This was sort of my fault because I did not integrate in the society, as I should have. However I speak the language fairly well. On top of that I did not have an official French job. I'm self-employed and hold an e-commerce business while pursuing my online degree. I was working from home. I will graduate this year. I was doing all this while my stay in France.

My family is telling me I should stay here (in the US) because it will be easier for me to start a new life. But my heart and mind belongs in France. I now think I am French; I prefer the people, culture, and style of living. My huge problem is that I am afraid to make this leap and go out there on my own. I'm afraid that I will isolate myself even further and mentally get worse or even fail.

I really feel that my wheels are spinning in the mud being here. My life is on hold. On top of it all I have been extremely depressed and its hard to say this to the world but I have been suicidal. I'm currently going through therapy for my loss.

When I was in France my wife did a lot of the legwork and she helped a lot on the French business part of it. Finding an apartment, documents etc. I handled everything else. We were a great team. And now I'm sure my French is well enough to get what I need.

My wife wants me wants to return to France to sign the divorce papers for the notaire. I dont have a French citizenship. I have a Titre de Sejours that permits me to work in France. I would like to return to Paris or the south of France. I realize it will extremely tough and I will be completely alone. I dont care if I have to rent a tiny hole in the wall and work at a Mac do while teaching English. I feel more at home there. But Im frightened to do it when I know I could succeed better in the US. I would like to hold my future there and hopefully raise my family there. Please advise. Im completely lost. I just want to come home but feel like Im crazy for going there.

Thanks for your time.

Replies Posted 2.

Name Karen
Message Sounds like you are going through a pretty rough time. I can realate the foreign feeling of being back in the U.S. I lived off and on in France/Italy for several years, than came home to U.S. when my son was born. There isn't a day that goes by that I don't miss just living there.

Is your wife anxious to divorce in order to marry someones else? I am sorry I am not trying to be callous but my thought is can you guys work out some sort of arrangement so that you could get your citizenship? Maybe as a condition. That would make a lot of things easier.

You don't give your age, or your training. However there is a huge English network in the South of France, with plenty of work available for legal, english speaking workers. Some of it is grunt work, some office work,some bar work, some businesses. Start in the Antibes, Nice, Grasse, Sophia areas. I don't reccomend teaching English. (You don't have to speak perfect French) the pay and conditions most often are horrible! And forget the public schools, too much socialist red tape. Depending on your age I would try the yachting scene this summer until you get your bearings back.

Best Wishes,

Name Lisa
Message hello you! I'm feeling really bad for you but don't worry you'll find your way to sunshine! Im 18, i'm a native french, i live near Paris. I'm really interested in contacts with foreign people especially americans (i love the us) Maybe you should try to become an english teacher in france but for this you'll have to speak perfect french...Maybe we could find ideas, i'm leaving you my msn addy: maybe we'll talk later then?

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